Falsification.

You act so strong. Your skin as thin as paper. Your lips shred with neglected razors and filing as you leap from your pedestal Pouncing on and preying on your past. You are as indiscriminate as those held hostage at Wall Street by greed. Your leash tightened around the neck of the one you love the most. Your memory eludes the most imminent eminent and pressing instances echoing amid the rest of the havoc in your cranium. It’s a ping pong tournament of recklessness. All I want is the tourniquet. You hear what needs to be heard to survive and the rest is tidily swept under the rug by Cinderella’s little mice friends. It all sounds so perfectly Gordon Gecko– yet we yield about 12k a year. So, what’s the catch, you say? Why don’t you just walk away?

Me.

 

You love to make it abundantly clear that I am a major detriment to this relationship. My disability and inability are inhabitants to everything that we could of been. You never say anything but how intelligent that I am and how I could do anything I wanted to. Words that both slice this skin facade I wear and with the other barbs permanently penetrating every neuron of my brain.

I can’t explain the reasoning behind a breakdown. I’m not the one who is capable of providing that information to the public. I know that she and I have lived through it. Sure, we have scars to prove it…. but none of us are over thirty….. we are still capable of turning things around. And she has. Stable job, coworkers who love her, a future wife who only is happy when she is clinging on to me sloth-style…. Eventually, that will be me.

——

Alas, I have been run through the gamut of trials and more than a few tribulations. My spirit may be broken by your family because of my lack of contribution and my abundance of restitution. But, I hope to prove that my inability to stand up for myself will not be an issue for much longer. But, for now, my skin is thick as that of a tortoises’ back. I make up in knowledge for the skills that I lack I am not a pawn nor just another fling. I apologize, but it’ts the real thing. I am here and I am strong. I’ve been beside her all along. I’ve been to every visist. Even when I thought, that “this was it.” I am here. And I am brave. So is she and it’s all she craves. She wants a family who loves her so…. I gave her one even if it’s faux. It’s mine and I can share, I do not care. They cannot imagine her anywhere…else but here, in t heir open arms. GOP can send off alarms.

This, my friends, is how lesbians can become part of a family. πŸ™‚ It does not have to involve a U-Haul. It involved me crashing in her apartment.

 

Meg,

You silly red-haired girl. You’ll never understand that I don’t care about the money your parental units possess. I love you because you make me laugh. I love you because in the mornings you give me sleepy eyes that are impossible to resist give me that curled and dimpled smile you love from meI love that if it is almost midnight and I decide pizza is in order– you make that order for me (even if it has vegetables on it!.) I love that you come out of the closet to ask me if an outfit works and it usually doesn’t. I love that your car is filthy and littered with trash, but that those trash bags are composed of funyons and Dunk-a Roos.–each with a story I love being held on your arm in a grocery store when we receive less than receptive glances– and when we do… we know it is probably from Jerry. πŸ™‚ I love everything about you. There is no life without you. I have lived with you for over four years as my partner and someday– you will be able to add a band to that engagement ring. I assure you of that. You are everything I ever wanted in another person. Your parents say how special you are and I hope Your friends continue to say how wonderful you are…. you heed their words as fact– they are right. You are that special. I just got lucky enough to grab on to those glittery wings. πŸ™‚ Enough to where you can’t fly away, I hope. πŸ™‚

I will love you, until my dying day.

Advertisements

About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on May 8, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: