Try.

File:One More Try.jpg

Study clips and facial cues.

Head’s cocked- eyes askew.

Misshape and then I pixelate

Hide and then evaporate

My face is just art

For someone to distort

The blue will turn to gray

The light will go away

Pallor can be changed

Whipped raw ’til rearranged

Blank sheet of paper cloth

It can be used or it can be tossed

Your choice or its your loss

Lids lowered with a direct gaze

I am lost in this impalpable haze

Sharp, prepared and not insane

Yet never knowing what to say

Head bowed. Face to ground.

No smart phone. No way to drown.

Hiding my face  Full of disgrace.

I hope I left behind no trace

My life’s an act

I am a hack

At pretending to be myself

Yet, I know nobody else

Writing notes and learning news

Reading all the pundit’s views

Coming up with things to say

To push all these nerves away

A visit– a surprise… to me

A gift a blessing, I cannot see.

I become a mute

I ramble

I scramble

I crumble

I fumble

Perhaps it’s my kismet

Perhaps I should just forget

My fate is to just always regret

This infinite debt

I owe to those who cling on

Ignore this addict’s con

Pretend they don’t see

The bottle right  in front of me

No one should face these fears

Confront a family post-tears

Painting smiles with lipstick and shadow

Waiting for it to just be the ‘morrow

Alone in a small cave carved out

With a shell of  liquid and self doubt

Alone in a shallow grave not planned out.

A hell I could of done without.

But, part two, don’t bid adieu

For skin is shedding as I type

However, please Ignore the hype

Let it dissolve into the sound

Thoughts that shan’t be found

I’m keeping quiet

But, yelling oh-so loud

Subtle shifts

Silent rifts

Brave and still beating

Pray it’s not fleeting

Heart anew

Red not blue

Quelling thoughts at bay

My smile’s a sunset’s ray

It’s not a facade

But, please don’t applaud

My eyes alight

With pure delight

That there’s still care

When I’m in this lair

Bony fragments in the skin

Plucked out of a loony bin

One more if I may?

I then have no more say.

I blame these hands.

I take no stand.

No blame.  Just shame.

Play pretend. Let’s take flight.

Grow wings. Head into night.

Doves, we never fight.

Grab on, and please hang tight.

They might break you.

They might take you.

No one wins here.

No one reigns supreme.

No gains but fear

Of it being a dream

You cannot escape

Mind’s gone all a blank

A promise far too many

Indulgence way too much

Reliance on this crutch.

Brush strokes, they  coat it all

Making you seem oh-so small

 

Manic. Down. All around.

Feet never touching ground.

Been inside a spiral?

All clocks off-kilt.

Try all the while

To plant and then wilt

Cogs will clog.

Ticks will stick.

Recharged and start again

Vicious cycle will begin

Dead space fuels

Cruel empty duels .

Rotate my mind.

Glance at the grind

We all face

In this time and place

Glance at the sky.

Colors blind my eye.

I grasp hold of each one

Oh the life, I’ve just begun.

Centrifugal is my need

All this nourish is my feed

My selfish desire

My innate greed

I’m a downtrodden liar

A clown who melts at the seams

Hanging from the beams

Reaching for the stars

Why do they seem so far?

Brush the hair from my face

Embrace the disgrace

Imbibe in the pride

Destroy the parapet

Employ this safety net

I’m here. I’m near.

I’m falling down.

Only to reclaim the throne.

Don’t discount a countess in disguise.

Don’t preempt my demise.

I’m here to stay to repave the way.

My way.

————

This one is dedicated to my Mom and Dad…and as always, Megan.  My love.

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About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on May 7, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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