I’ve always heard the expression that you don’t know what you have until you lose it But,”it” is too vague of a word to utilize in this instance. Meg is not an “it.” She is someone who baffles me daily with her bravery and loyalty– she is someone anyone would be proud to call their partner, daughter or friend. She will be there when you fall to pick you up, she will stitch up your wounds (unfortunately– I know this), and she will hold your hand through the darkest times. Of course, she will also tell you that you went Madonna on her and started having inflections with your spoken word. I love her for this. She never comments on my appearance when I have no makeup on– and I love her more for this. 🙂
I was in the ER recently…. and the doctor said he had never seen someone’s partner, girlfriend, wife, etc lie in a hospital bed throughout the night with them-cuddling a patient in the smallest stupid bed ever. I know she is special. I will never deny that. Nor could I…. She was asleep when he said this.
Love is love, but eternal undying and undeniable love is something that words can not express in a way that I can accept. I’m not well versed in vocabulary or grammar, but I know that whatever I write is insufficient to truly iterate my feelings or emotions.
I find this incapability distressing.
Thus, whenever I feel downtrodden and upset about who I am…. I look at her– think about the red hair, freckles and smile. and I realize that if I have her, my parents and my dog following my every move and loving me– maybe there is more to me than what I believe to be an empty fractured shell. Something is there that is endearing. So hard to see it when you focus on the negatives and other people focus on the positives. I need an injection of optimism– reminding myself to go take my multitude of vitamins and work your ass off to improve.
I will continue my voyage into this cavernous journey of figuring out who I am. One step closer to deserving Megs. I will always be attempting to earn the privilege of her hand in marriage. Never going to cessate this trek. Never discontinuing this finite trip into bliss.