Fourth Valentine’s Day with her. Still, I wake up every morning staring at her. Completely enchanted and enamored. She is way too beautiful and amazing to be with someone like me. No idea why she settled for this nerd who has no money, no future…. nothing. But, she did. She takes care of me when I’m sick and also when I’m not. She is the railing I use when too battered and broken to stabilize myself. I never could repay her for that. I used to think that cutting her initials or a heart onto me was good enough. I now understand that is erratic and insincere. It hurts her more than bringing her closer to me. I was a child.
That is the beauty to gaining (or anti-rogaining) a gray hair or two– you garnered experience and knowledge from the past years.
I’ve been writing on this blog quite a bit recently– and I apologize for the repetition and monotony. Truly. But, this one is just a shout out to my fiance for standing by me during all of these trials and tribulations. She picked someone with blindness, an eating disorder, paralyzed left arm, social anxiety, self-harmer, and essentially just a crazy person. However, she loves me. Love is a mysterious thing.
She has to read menus at Subway for me. She runs errands because I cannot drive, nor do I have a car. I have no phone. I have no job. She is my life support. She is the root part of my tattoo of the tree of life. And there is nothing keeping her here but her love. No decision is made without her clouding my stupidity. In a good way….
I glance in her direction and my day improves. She makes me feel beautiful. She makes me want to see a sun rise every morning. She is worth getting up for. My favorite thing is waking up before her seeing that pristine face in the morning light. Megs doesn’t see the beauty that I see and I am so sorry for that.
But, I feel and see the warmth radiate from her. My eyes close and I see her smile. First thing I think of when I fall asleep- first thing I think of when I arise.
She has been there for me through everything. She is the best person I have ever met. Or will ever meet. Everything she does is selfless and I can never ever cut enough stupid paper hearts to make it up to her. She is the reason I exist. I love you, Megan. Now and forever more. Happy Valentine’s Day to my one and only true and dearest love. And I’m so sorry that everyone can’t have a Megalicious in their life.