lucky

I was told earlier that “human rights” did not extend to gay couples.  This was by someone I viewed as a friend.  However,  my family, my sibling, my pets, etc… do not think that way. they shirk their conservatism  for me.   The word faggot does not scar nor scare me.  We all should be past it. it is 2014.   Yeah?  No one should care about who I am in a relationship with….being I have been and will always be with a girl– same girl .  Does my getting  engaged affect you on a personal level?  Am I stealing your rights?   Am I?   I have been engaged for three years– been in a relationship for four next week.   My girl has stuck with me through so much– and I have endured her own issues   as well… We love each other so much…. Why is it so terrible for us to exchange rings and vows?   Really?   I guarantee I will not be trying to take your  wives.   I just want to get all dressed up and be formally wedded.  I can continue to wait.  I will have no one to witness it– I have no more friends via my own neglectful behaviors.  I am to blame for all of it.   Same with my desire to sing and play my Taylor Guitar.  You still love me.  😀  But,  Meg sticks with me and has despite everything– I miss her the second she leaves the apartment until the second she returns.   I’m already dreading her birthday when she goes on vacation on March 16th.  I don’t use nor abuse, but I choose her to lay next to me every night.   I adore and abhor this entire relationship.  I am a stain and I will refrain from any  more details.

Let me conclude with this– I came out in terms of sexuality at twelve.  I didn’t start my period until sixteen.  So, I don’t think that was the cause.  I think I was born gay.  I will continue to clasp hands with Meg for my entire life– happily.  And thankfully.  I’m sorry that there are people who do not accept it.

My mantra is to put my sweat-shirt hood on, throw the ball for the dog and ignore reality…. it’s worked this winter.   Cessation is impending.  Also, inevitable.   I am navigable,  but also reasonable.

I have put multiple rings on Meg’s hands.  My favorite is my grandmothers.   Grandma Smith meant so much to me. She introduced me to M.A.S.H.  I love her, but I gave the ring to my fiance b  it’s too small for my own paw.  I gave it to my gal.  I told Meg to keep wearing it. despite cracking    If it breaks– so be it.  We can fix it.   Megan, my grandma Helen would have been so excited and honored to meet you.  I’m sorry she didn’t get to.

I am also sorry I didn’t get to say “I love you.” one more time– about 10 years later.

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About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on January 27, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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