Looking at one’s own reflection is… to be cliche: a double edged sword.
I question people’s moral compass when they view or highlight a mental illness as something worth glorifying. What kind of person are you…. YOU?
I have averted my eyes for years. This is in reference to a physical and mental diagnosis of narcissism I thought that I was immune to this. But, learned that selflessness in the eyes of a narcissist can actually be the direct opposite.
I learnt this recently. I ended up cuffed. I went to the ER with a BAC of 3.4. Got to spend over 12 hours there. How many people have a gf/bf that come and sleep with them in a little bed? Mine did. She wasn’t even told where to go and she found me. Can’t call her my wife– although our 4 year anniversary is…. imminent. We have no official date set.
The thing is- I am so exhausted by this merry-go-round of drunken confessions. I’m not proud of myself. I also do not know how to escape. I try to– and then I’m dizzied by the myriad of options. I do need a guide dog in more ways than one.
Oft-times, I am afraid to leave my apartment due to superficial imagery. I know that’s abnormal. Doesn’t change the reality of it. This is not something rehab would fix. I’ve been there and done that. Truly: Shoal Creek. It’s a joke. They make you more afraid of those you are supposed to become “friends” with.
I am a case where I a struggling with life and straddling the issue about who to become with the gifts I have been bestowed. Those who tell me I am intelligent– in what realm? Those who have no say– build a snowman with me tomorrow if it does snow. I have no judgment. I m just lost. And no psychiatrist, psychologist, nor prescription meds have been able to fix it I don’t believe I’m hyper-intelligent– just stuck in a maze. A maze and perplex.