Magnets. And Magnetes.

Inspired by the kindness and generosity that has been bestowed on me in recent months.  I don’t know if it’s a change in my outlook or a change in attitude, but I’m accepting the love with open arms!

 

Look at all the magnets on a chalkboard

Spontaneity… patterns that I can’t ignore

I see art and writings on the insides of my brain

Hyroglyphs creeping up along my vertebrae

They’re driving me insane.

I see a code that I know that I am ripe

and right here to decipher

But, to some it seems as I am

nothing but a frequent liar.

Burned and scorned, adorned

by this curse from said Lucifer.

To be a slave to  a life of petulance

One of arrogance,

A disturbance

Just a lack of all religiousness

While Maybe some of these are true

I’ll never know me like you do

But, what I say is what I knew

And the good I do is ’cause of you

I can look into this piece of glass

Fall into depths and shimmers of the past

I can look into a shattered mirror on the floor

And know I’m not who I was before

I see faint lines and faded cracks

Of what I could be and what I lack

But, I will never step back in-to (two)

I promise you that  I’ll behave, but

Soil so deep in  this  shallow grave

Six feet into a life I’ll never leave.

 

I’ve crawled out  of all the doubt that grew

Vowed that I would start anew

Forget who I was  back before

When I was all who I  now abhor

I now shirk the pain and believe I’ll regain

Strength that I did believe to be real.

Building, growing then falling down hill.

Hitting rock bottom,  face now paint smeared  on the ground

Did I find peace? Am I happy? Am I finally sound?

Or am I reliving those distant chimes of a past?

Of memories I had hoped would never last?

I cover my eyes– shield my face from the pain.

Wear garments to protect myself from the rain.

This umbrella it folds, as I stare up at the sky.

My eyes all ablaze, with the sight oh-so-dry.

Tears all gone.

Drips disappeared.

I now smile at the dawn.

The dread of acid a con.

I’m embraced by the warmth.

I’m enveloped by love.

I’m perplexed by perplexity.

I’m completely undone.

What did I do to deserve a new shot?

Should I rid my disease?

With a bullet to a well placed dot?

To shatter my life, or accept this change?

A direction determined here on this gun range.

I choose love, I choose life.

I choose pain. I choose strife.

I am here.  I feel fear.

But, I’ll remain. Have no doubt.

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About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on January 3, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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