The end is not nigh.

24 hours can be a lifetime– or it can be no time at all.  It all depends.  Life can be forgiving or it can hurt you so much you can hardly stand it.  Everything is a matter of your ability to process actions, moments, and memories.  I’d be remiss to say that some of it comes to a strength in your inner core.  But, am I weak because thoughts of not wanting to be a part of this shit anymore plague me?  Am I?  Sometimes I feel stronger than everybody– because I can pray on the weak.  Manipulation.  It’s a weapon.  Maybe, that is also a glass wall that I put up to prevent the invasion of toxic demons.  I don’t know.  Every day is a struggle.  I don’t know who I will be when I wake up.  I mean this in a totally non-schizophrenic way.  I don’t hear voices or think that I earned a role on “the United States of Tara.”  However, I do sometimes arise from my seemingly eternal slumber in a state of confusion and cloudiness.  It scares me.  I’m coping with more than is probably healthy for my tiny shoulders.  True, I made choices and decisions that dragged me into the depths of Hell.  I DID THEM.  No blame can be placed upon anyone but me.   The thing is– placing blame on someone else, does not change a fucking thing.   This is my reality.  This is now my future.  I can accept it, but not reverse it.   And yes,  I have images of my life ending, but what does that prove?  What message does that send?   I harbor no ill will towards most– but I’m not a fan of selfish people.   I refuse to be one of them.  I am special and important to some.  So, keep throwing shit my way, life– and I’ll keep battling it..   Good fucking luck destroying me.


About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on September 9, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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