The end is not nigh.

24 hours can be a lifetime– or it can be no time at all.  It all depends.  Life can be forgiving or it can hurt you so much you can hardly stand it.  Everything is a matter of your ability to process actions, moments, and memories.  I’d be remiss to say that some of it comes to a strength in your inner core.  But, am I weak because thoughts of not wanting to be a part of this shit anymore plague me?  Am I?  Sometimes I feel stronger than everybody– because I can pray on the weak.  Manipulation.  It’s a weapon.  Maybe, that is also a glass wall that I put up to prevent the invasion of toxic demons.  I don’t know.  Every day is a struggle.  I don’t know who I will be when I wake up.  I mean this in a totally non-schizophrenic way.  I don’t hear voices or think that I earned a role on “the United States of Tara.”  However, I do sometimes arise from my seemingly eternal slumber in a state of confusion and cloudiness.  It scares me.  I’m coping with more than is probably healthy for my tiny shoulders.  True, I made choices and decisions that dragged me into the depths of Hell.  I DID THEM.  No blame can be placed upon anyone but me.   The thing is– placing blame on someone else, does not change a fucking thing.   This is my reality.  This is now my future.  I can accept it, but not reverse it.   And yes,  I have images of my life ending, but what does that prove?  What message does that send?   I harbor no ill will towards most– but I’m not a fan of selfish people.   I refuse to be one of them.  I am special and important to some.  So, keep throwing shit my way, life– and I’ll keep battling it..   Good fucking luck destroying me.

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About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on September 9, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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