Optimism.

I’ve realized that I’ve been so focused on myself in the past couple of months–I failed to see anyone else.  I was locked in some sort of dungeon that Meg and my parents have been chipping away at.  I’m emerging more like a butterfly than a cocoon.  I’m not so wrapped up in who I am and what I’m going through.  Everyone has their demons they battle daily.  Nobody has a perfect life.  But, just because I don’t want to have to/can’t pay for therapy–doesn’t mean I can pawn off my issues on to others.  It can be overwhelming.  I know first hand.  I’ve dealt with it with Meg.  Having her call me in the middle of the night when I was still dating two girls…. saying she was hearing/seeing things.  I drove over there and held her all night.  Other times, I would say something out of frustration and I’d come find her trying to kill herself.  It’s not easy.  But, for those you care about–you stick around for them.  You try to fix them.  And, I’ve done that for Meg.  And she’s done it for me.  I just had to be receptive to the idea.  It takes awhile to realize just how lucky you are.  It’s frustrating that I’ve lost so many friends so fast–who never got a chance to know how fracking goofy and fun we both are.  We are bipolar.  It’s a real disease.  But, talking and hanging out in person (unless with a therapist), we are just cracking jokes.  It is what we do.  I’ve been optimistic the past few days.  I’m exhausted from severe insomnia, but otherwise– I’m doing well.  This is the happiest I’ve felt in a long while.  Although, we do have a seemingly insurmountable amount of laundry to do! 

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About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on April 23, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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