Mission Metamorphism

Disclaimer:

This poem shall explain

What goes on in my brain

When the silence becomes

all I hear

And it will help me stay sane

as I sort through my pain

and wish to just disappear

But, buyer beware for

henceforth’s despair

as heartache will quickly arrive

Yet from ashes i rise

Spread my wings and take  flight

as I rid myself of this blight.

—————————————

And to those who have seen

and heard this before…

To those I have failed

(and much much more)

To those who doubt

Each step I  take

and To those who wait

for me to break

To those all I say is to watch and to wait

For bleakness never sealed my fate

I slipped to the bottom, I created this hell

And it’s here and it’s now that I wish it farewell.

————————————————

Poem:

This protective shield, my body’s defense

This blanket of flesh, oh this armor of skin

Keeping everything out and yet everything in

As it serves as my savior, my one shining knight

It also displays my tumultuous fights

A war ravaged canvas displaying my sins

A landscape of trenches concaved from within

This outward expression of internal strife

All the pain, and the past, on this map of my life

The pale, the pallor, and these old sallow eyes

This constellation of sorrow

This collection of lies

Shall remain here forever

But, will fade over time

——-

I see them and tremble.

I catch glimpse and regret.

It’s clear that these mirrors

reveal more than reflect

they see through my guise

and dispel my disguise

——–

Now I’m caged in this box, with no exit in sight

Head’s in the clouds but afraid of the flight

so throughout this house i’m here walking blind

the shades pulled taut, and the sun she hides

I sit still in this chair as I try to waste time

i daze, and i dawdle and I dwindle away

Stare out of my window and watch the birds play

I long for a difference and pray for a change

I think and I ponder as to what made me so strange

I crave all the action and the sounds of the street

The light and the laughter. grass under my feet

but here  in this cave I shall rest and reside

and feed off of the visions I see in my mind

For I feel oh so safe, oh  so safe here inside

——–

Why yes it tis tragic this fate I endure

But, I do believe that I’ve found a cure

A way to escape all these wants and desires

A way to extinguish these curious fires

With a flip of a switch or a tap of the keys

All these feelings will vanquish and vanish with ease

I invest in these figures that I see on the screen

I slip into placation and soak in the scene

For these 2-D creations, my world is their stage

Technicolor dreaming in this colorless cage

——-

Alas credits will roll and the stories will end

And one must say goodbye to their fictional friends

Once again I shall suffer and in this chamber I weep

‘Til my eyelids are heavy, but still cannot sleep

In this cell I will hide

breathing and beating

but never alive.

——–

my focus is waning as desires still burn

wishing and waiting for tables to turn

I cling to the past as I reach for the future

The thread it unravels as I pull out the sutures

This procedure is brutal, my feelings grow numb

As I patiently wait for my freedom to come

I know grass is greener, but this room’s always dark

This change will be welcomed, the differences stark

——–

so i’m scratching and clawing

and escaping this maze

i’m entering into a recovery phase

this life– its been maddening

and these ailments unjust

but each scar i wear proudly

though in sight they disgust

They all tell my story

They humble my soul

They remind me of just

How far the chosen can fall

———

Now the world will not care

nor speak of my name,

know the battles i fought

or the demons I’ve slain

i shall slip through the cracks

and blend in with the skies

With my gaze left unmet

by compassionate eyes

in this world I’ll exist

as a person unknown

I’ll carve out my niche

as a hard-working drone

I’m a stat, I’m a number

on life’s  assembly line

I’m not special or different

I do what’s assigned

And My footsteps will fall

where others have been

As I complete all my chores

with this cheshire grin

This must sound so strange

So off kilter and wild

For most such a life would

be loathed and reviled

But all that I fought for

And all that I craved

Was a life that was simple

and a heart that was brave

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About littlelostsunny

Lost inside her mind. Inspired to blog because if not the thoughts start to control my life. I needed an outlet.

Posted on July 24, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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