Pieces of Me
So, I’m turning into one of THOSE people. You know the ones–the freaks who walk around with a cell phone glued to their ears, hands and eyes. I’m not a big chatty-cathy. I actually would go far as to say that I loathe the process of talking on the phone. I dread it. When I was younger I would write notes of what to talk about when forced to participate in that most taxing of activities.
But, I do like to text. And I’ve become an absolute fiend about it in recent times. I carry that piece o’shit phone with me everywhere. Checking it religiously (fanatically)… trying to will a message into existence.
It’s sick. I admit.
However, one semi-positive outcome to toting an old school Nokia around is that I have a device to scribble down (or type out) my thoughts as they come to me.
Some from this week:
“I was taught from early on to take my knocks with grace.”
“You will never know the things you missed. The way I’ve changed.”
“I never found my way to love until we met. My compass worn around my neck, guiding my heart to you.”
“The atlas spread across my chest. Listen harder. Putting marks at the vessels. Tracing fingers down the lines. Beating, pumping, throbbing. Listen up. Read the signals as I play them. I never try to win.”
“We fight our nightly battles. We draw our patterns in the sand. Lie awake with all this comfort.”
“Finger on the trigger. Rope pulls tighter round my neck. I always stumble. Always falter. Stakes set higher than before.”
“I understand that this is how you are, but you bring me down each time.”
“There are no words to heal the wounds that adorn my soul. My heart. This love was never real. I lie there still. Lifeless on the floor. No one rushes into stop the blood from pouring out. A silent gift. The matter oozing out of mouths. No warnings have been sound.
“Afraid to peer inside yourself and see the truth you never say. You hurt me so. Each time you fail to call my name. I stay awake. Each night. Wonder if you feel the same. I’m doing all I can to make it through this downpour somewhat dry. And safe from all these things I found.”
“Pages worn from overuse. Flipping through each letter. Scouring each to find the key. To find the moment that you changed. And everything is lost. You know I always fought these battles. Always fought to change. I tried to change”
“Summer sweetness in your hair. Rays of sun light up your eyes. Those little kisses show you care. Take my hand and pull me far away from all the world. Hold me here, so tight, if only for the day. Lay me down into the sand, Let us hope this never ends. We’ll always prove them wrong and we’ll go on forever into time. You and I”
“And every time I see your face. I know what is real and what is true and what this means. You’re everything I ever thought that I would need. And oh my dear, all I got are these tired simple words. But, I promise I will love you every day. So follow me. Follow me.”
“Stand by my side when I’m breaking. Hold me closer when I’m aching. And I swear that when I dream I’ll dream of you. You’re always there. You always were. And I’ll never let these moments pass me by. It’s god damned hard to stay awake without you near. But, I will try to fight, to keep you in my life. I said I would. And I won’t ever let you go. So, don’t you cry.”
“All these images will haunt me. As you go along your way. I hid the hurt inside me. Deeply buried all my pain. It’s not that I was angry. That’s a song I never knew. But, I failed to change my ways and toss my pride. I turned away, afraid to show I cared. You couldn’t win. But, I heard every word you said. I always did.